Not a Bad Thing
by Meghanav3
Summary: Nick's world is fall apart around him and he can't do anything about it. Olivia is starting a new chapter in her life with Baby Noah. What happens when these two people end up together at just the right time?
1. Good To You

**Chapter One - "Good To You"**

Olivia walked over to the door, she had Noah on her hip and with her free hand he opened the door. It had been about four months since the judge had asked her if she was interested in fostering and possibly adopting Baby Noah. She knew this was something she wanted. She just hadn't expected the change, it was a good change and it was a bad change, but she was still getting used to it. She hadn't been expecting anyone so when there was a knock on the door she expected to it be the social worker stopping by to see how everything was going. Only it was Nick on the other side of the door. Olivia couldn't help but smile.

"Nick," Olivia said. The two hadn't really gotten a chance to talk to each other since everything happened. She regretted it, but it wasn't like she was trying to avoid him. She just had Noah now and she was back in charge of the squad, it was a process.

"Did I come at a bad time?" Nick asked.

"No, not at all," Olivia said. She stepped out of the way to let Nick in. As Nick walked in he couldn't help but give a baby face to Noah and a wave. Olivia closed the door and join Nick in the living room. "As you can see I wasn't expecting anyone today. Still getting used to the transition. When I was taking care of Calvin it was a little different."

"I don't think he's complaining," Nick said talking about Noah.

"Why don't I go put him down," Olivia said.

"You don't have too," Nick said as he walked over to the couch. "I mean no on my account, I was just hoping we could talk."

"Yeah," Olivia said. She never liked those words we could talk, it never lead to anything good. Olivia walked over and placed Noah down in the playpen in the living room, before joying Nick on the couch. "What's up?"

"First I'm not here to beg you for my job back, because I know it's only going to take time," Nick said.

"You will get it back," Olivia said to him. "We are going through the motions too."

"I'm actually here to say I talk with Maria and have a long talk," Nick said to her.

"That good," Olivia said. She knew things have been really rocky.

"I talked with Cynthia as well," Nick said to her. "I'm going to move to California to be with Maria and Zara."

"What?" Olivia said. She was hoping she was hearing him wrong.

"I have nothing left here Liv," Nick said to her. "I'm literally hanging by a rope that's being held together by a single strand. If I mess up again I lose my badge and I'm done. If I go to California I can get a job where I won't have to worry about anyone looking over my shoulder."

"You still have people who care about you," Olivia said. "What about Fin and Rollins? You just going to leave them behind?"

"No," Nick told her. "I want to tell you first before I told anyone else. It's your squad again, I owed it to you to tell you in person."

"I'm not accepting it," Olivia said. "You are one of our best Detective Nick, I won't lose you."

"You'll all be fine, if not better off with my gone," Nick said. "I think it be better if we all just had a clear break."

"When are you planning on leaving?" Olivia asked him.

"Not for another two months. Still working some things out," Nick said to her.

"Good I have two month to change your mind and I will," Olivia said to him. "You told me your life was here and I'm help remind you of that." Before either could say another word Noah started to cry. Olivia stood up, but Nick stood up and stopped her.

"I'll get him," Nick said. He walked over to the playpen and picked up Noah.

"I think he's hungry," Olivia said as she made her way to the kitchen.

"Are you hungry Noah?" Nick asked him as he walked back over to the couch. Nick sat down and placed Noah on his knee. He then gentle started to bounce his knee up and down. A few moments after Noah stopped crying and started laughing. Olivia walked back into the living room with a bottle in her hand. When she saw Nick and Noah she couldn't help but smile.

"How did you do that?" Olivia asked him.

"I used to do this with Zara from time to time. Maria would get mad at me, tell me I was going to drop her," Nick said with a laugh.

"Thank you," Olivia said. "Still figuring things out. I am loving every minute of it and Noah is everything I want and more. It's the whole new mom."

"From what I can see is you're doing great." Nick said with a smile. "I should get going."

"You don't have too," Olivia said as she took Noah back from Nick.

"I've got my mandatory angry management course to get to," Nick said to her.

"Right," Olivia said. "I'm glad you are sticking with that."

"I actually thought I was going to hate it and part of me does, but I'm also glad too," Nick said to her. "As much as I didn't want to admit it, it was something I needed."

"That's really good Nick," Olivia said. "It's great you're working through this all. You stick with it and you'll be back at SVU in no time."

"Liv," Nick said.

"You talking to someone?" Olivia asked. She remember the last time she mentioned it, hoping maybe this time would be different."

"Yeah," Nick said. "You were right. I was just to busy in my head and trying to make everything how it should be. I missed every red flag that was out there. Almost losing everything puts things in to prospective. This is why I think it's best."

"I'm gonna change your mind on that one," Olivia said.

"Good luck," Nick said. "Someone looks like he's ready for a nap and that would be my cue."

"If you need anything don't hesitate to call or stop by," Olivia said.

"Will do," Nick said to her. He then started to walk to the door, but stopped when he reached it. He turned back to Olivia. "Thanks for everything, Liv."

"You're a good partner Nick," Olivia said to him. Nick then walked out of the apartment. Olivia carefully got up off the couch and walked into the bedroom and put Noah down for a nap.

* * *

**AN**: The new version of this story and yes like I said it's a new story. Taking the finale and adding on to that. I kind of felt that that with everything that happened he'd kind work on getting his life back together. Then I kind of thought maybe he'd see tings a bit different and want a change. That's just how I'm setting it up, but trust me it's not going to end up that way.


	2. Worth It

**Chapter Two - "Worth It"**

Olivia was finishing up paper work when she heard a knock on the door. She looked up to see Amanda standing in the doorway. Olivia waved her in. Amanda walked in closing the door behind her.

"Everything okay?" Olivia asked.

"We need Amaro back," Amanda said. "I know I shouldn't be saying that and we have to follow some bull shit ruling, but we need him back."

"Is Madison not able to do the task at hand?" Olivia asked. She knew Amanda was right. They needed Nick back and she was going to do what she could to get him back. Right now she knew that Nick didn't want back.

"She's fine," Amanda said. "It's just teaching the job to her and doing it as well is taking twice as long." Olivia couldn't help but let out a smile laugh. She had said those words to Cragen when he mentioned they were getting another detective along with Amanda.

"You're gonna learn to work with other detective Rollins," Olivia said. The words Cragen had told her. Who knew she'd be having this conversation with someone, just like she had with him. "We can't just pretend things were the way they were before this all happened. Actions have consequences and we all end up suffering them. We got to let this play out, but Nick will be back. It's just a matter of when."

"So you're trying to get him back," Amanda said.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Olivia asked, not sure why Amanda thought she won't try and get Nick back.

"I didn't mean it like that," Amanda said. "It's just between Noah and being in put back in charge of the squad again, it doesn't seem like you're trying."

"I can't just go to OnePP and ask them to give me back Detective Amaro. He messed up and has to go through the motions before he can work his way back," Olivia said. "He is damn lucky he still has his job."

"No one seemed to want to do anything about that either," Amanda said coldly.

"We were ordered not too," Olivia said. "We had a case that we were working. Anything we could have done might have messed with Nick case worse. You think I didn't want to help him?"

"I think you were too busy do whatever it was you were doing to care," Amanda snapped.

"I'm not having this conversation with you," Olivia said to her.

"Because you know I'm right?" Amanda said.

"Because you're wrong. You need to take a step back Amanda, before you do something you will regret," Olivia said.

"Is that a threat Sergeant?" Amanda asked.

"No it's not," Olivia said. "I suggest you go home for the night. I will not have this conversation with you or fight." Amanda turned and walked towards the door.

"At least I did something to help him," Amanda said coldly to Olivia as she walked out of the office. Olivia got up from the chair and walked out of the office.

"You better hope you didn't just admit what I think you did," Olivia said to Amanda.

"What that I went to see Nick while he was in jail and was able to get Munch to see him. Yeah I did admit that," Amanda said to her. Olivia walked closer to Amanda, so only she could hear.

"I am saying this as your co-worker and not your boss, Amanda whatever you did keep it to yourself. This might not be something anyone can help you out of," Olivia said.

"I'm sorry am I interrupting?" Amanda and Olivia heard a voice say. They turned to see Nick standing by his old desk.

"No we were done here," Olivia said. "What are you doing here Nick?"

"I was hoping I could talk to… I was just looking to talk to everyone," Nick said.

"I have some things to finish up, Amand's here and Fin will be right back," Olivia told him. "I'll leave you two alone." Olivia walked back into her office closing the door behind her.

"Nick it's great to see you," Amanda said. She wanted to hug him, but she also felt a bit awkward about it.

"What was that about Amanda?" Nick asked her.

"Nothing," Amanda said. "We should talk in the crib." Amanda walked to the crib, Nick following behind her.

"That was not nothing, please tell me you had nothing to do with me being released," Nick asked.

"He admitted he threw the first punch," Amanda said. "It's done, it's over, lets drop it."

"Do you have any idea how stupid you were for doing that?" Nick snapped at her.

"You were going away for taking a pedophile of the streets and he was just going to walk away a free man. It wasn't right, I needed to do something," Amanda said to him.

"You risked not only your career, but mine as well," Nick said to her. He wanted to say something else, but he just took a deep breath instead. "It doesn't matter anymore I'm leaving, I'm moving to California and I came to tell you and Fin."

"You're moving to California?" Amanda asked. She was hoping he wasn't being serious.

"Yes. I'm moving to be with Maria and Zara. It's the best option for everyone," Nick said to her.

"For everyone or for you?" Amanda asked.

"Amanda," Nick said.

"I risked my career for you," Amanda said to him.

"I never asked you too," Nick said. "I'm was ass I know that one. I wanted my family back, you knew that."

"I also knew she was being a bitch," Amanda said.

"We both were in bad places and in emotional states. We both agreed that this was nothing more then what it was and it was never going to happen," Nick said to her. "We both made mistakes, but I never hide the fact I wanted my wife and daughter back. We made the right choice not going any farther."

"Maybe you made the right choice," Amanda said to him.

"Amanda I was using you and you were using me. We needed each other to escape the situations we had gotten ourselves into, but had we actually slept together that night it would have ruined so much more," Nick said to her. "I was never trying to hurt you."

"Yeah of course you weren't, only that's what everyone tells me," Amanda said before walking out of the crib. Nick followed behind moments later, only when he got back into the squad room Amanda was already gone. Nick walked over to Olivia office and knocked on the door.

"Come in," Olivia voice said. Nick walked into the office, closing the door behind him. Olivia looked up from her paper work to look at Nick. "You're here to tell me you changed your mind?"

"You still on that?" Nick said with a laugh. He walked over to the chair in front of her desk and sat down.

"You seem to not have any work to do, so that must mean you would like some work to do," Olivia said to him. "We have plenty of cases that could use some help."

"Maybe I can lend some advice on them from time to time when I'm in California," Nick said.

"I can't see you as a California type of guy," Olivia said. "T-shirt and shorts… no I can't see it."

"Maybe even surfing," Nick said with a laugh.

"I'd pay to see that," Olivia said with a laugh. After a few moments the laughter died down and the two sat there in silence. "It won't be the same without you."

"It will probably be better," Nick said to her.

"Not possible," Olivia said. "Nick, when my old partner left, I didn't think things would be okay again. I was hurting and honestly I didn't want to like you. You proved me wrong and kept proving me wrong. You helped me remember why I continue to do this job and helped remind me of the good in people again. You're a great partner and I was lucky to have you has mine."

"You're extraordinary Liv and I'm grateful Cragen paired us up," Nick said with a smile. "You're strength and compassion is beyond words. Getting to work with you I've learned so much and will forever cherish that."

"You shouldn't be leaving Nick," Olivia said. "There is still so much for you."

"I have already screwed this up enough," Nick told her. "You need to focus on Noah and this squad. You don't need to worry about anything, especially about if I'm going to mess everything up once and for all."

"Worrying about the detectives is kind of in the job description," Olivia said.

"This would be different," Nick said.

"Give it a year," Olivia said. "A year and if you still think you should move then I'll let you transfer to California. I won't stop you or try and change your mind. What about if you give it till Christmas?"

"Liv," Nick said.

"We need you Nick, I told you that," Olivia said to him. "I'm not asking for a lifetime, I'm just asking for a chance."

"If you can get me back to SVU, I'll give it a trial run," Nick said. "On a temporary bases."

"I'll work on that tomorrow," Olivia said with a smile. "Trust me you won't regret."

"I trust you with my life, you know that," Nick said. He then got up from the chair. "Good night, Liv."

"Goodnight," Olivia said as she walked Nick walked out of the office. She then put her attention back to the work she had on her desk.

* * *

**_AN_**: Sadly I didn't think I could ignore the whatever that was with Rollins and Nick for this story. Since they were naked in bed together in that episode, I decided to see it my way. Hopefully from what I wrote you got that there was a chance of something, but then they realized how wrong it was and put and end to it before it even happened. In the end they kind of used each other to lean on. Somewhere in the writing I end up with Amanda kind of having feelings towards Nick. I want to say I kind it's got the feel like an unhealthy, con-dependency type thing. It will come up again, but just wanted to establish that Amanda and Nick never slept together in my world.


	3. I Like The Sound of That

**Chapter Three - "I Like The Sound of That"**

"I came as soon as I got your message," Nick said as he walked into Olivia's apartment.

"You didn't need to come over right this second," Olivia said with a laugh. She walked over to make sure Noah was okay before joining Nick.

"I came at a bad time didn't I?" Nick asked.

"No you didn't," Olivia said. "Noah just woke up and we were playing a little."

"And I interrupted it," Nick said.

"No it's fine. I told you, you're welcomed anytime and I meant it," Olivia said to him. "I just wanted to let you know that I talked with OnePP and everyone, while it's not official yet I think I was able to get them to agree on a temporary bases to get you back into SVU."

"Really?" Nick questioned.

"It's only on a temporary bases and it won't be for another month or so, but it's something right?" Olivia said. "I told them I would monitor you and if anything happens I would loop them in and Internal Affairs right away."

"So if I screw up I'm done?" Nick said.

"Not necessarily, but it's chance," Olivia said. "Give it a shot. If it works out then you can be back full time."

"You don't really believe that do you?" Nick asked her.

"Of course," Olivia answered. "It was one mistake. You aren't the first person to do it and you won't be the last."

"I'm just the one they wanted to make an example out of?" Nick said as he walked away from Olivia.

"Nick," Olivia said moving closer to him. "Everyone who works with you knows the person you are and can be. One PP doesn't know you or care to know you. You're a good detective and a good person."

"That's not enough anymore now is it?" Nick asked.

"When is it really enough?" Olivia questioned back. "I know you do good work and do what's best for the victims and their families. While you will never hear me admit this to Fin or Amanda, we need you."

"Okay," Nick said. "We made a deal and if I didn't honor it then I wouldn't be a man of my word."

"We couldn't have that," Olivia said. "I know things are still rough, but keep doing what they ask and what you're doing and things will work themselves out. Or they'll find someone else to set as an example and forget all about you."

"You're all about the positives here aren't you?" Nick asked.

"I have many things to be positive about," Olivia said. She turned and looked at Noah.

"Yeah you do," Nick said. He looked over at Noah before looking back at Olivia. He couldn't help but smile. "You light up when you talk about him you know."

"I think it's the new mom phase or something," Olivia said. She looked back at Nick.

"No it's more then that," Nick said. "You have this new love and how could you not fall for this little guy. When the doctors put Zara I my arms, I didn't think I could feel so much love in my life. Nothing else matter than this little girl I was holding," Nick explained to her. "Then she found a way to get me wrapped around her finger. Noah will surely be doing that with you too," He said with a laugh.

"I think he's already managed that one," Olivia said. "Noah's a really charmer."

"I'm sure he'll be breaking hearts in no time," Nick said.

"I'm sure Zara and Gil will be too," Olivia said.

"Maria and I agree Zara's not to date until she's thirty," Nick said. Olivia couldn't help but laugh.

"Thirty huh?" Olivia said. "Good luck with that one."

"It's a reasonable age and by then I'll have gotten all the assholes off the streets and she'll be safe," Nick said. Olivia knew he was only kidding.

"Got to let them fall sometimes Nick," Olivia said. "How else can one learn if they don't fail first?"

"I just want to know Zara will find someone when she's older that will treat her right," Nick said. "I don't want to have to worry about her with all we see at work."

"With you and Maria as parents she'll be able to weed out the bad guys from the good. She's got to great parents and can teach her for years to come," Olivia said.

"Yeah well it's going to be harder now," Nick said.

"We'll be able to make it work," Olivia said. "I know it won't be easy, but you'll still be a part of Zara's life and a big part."

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to talk about Zara and my life," Nick said. "That should be my cue to leave."

"I'm the one who brought it up," Olivia said. "Plus I know Noah likes you and wants you to stay."

"I can't disappoint the man of the house now can I?" Nick said. Olivia couldn't help but laugh. Nick walked over and picked up Noah from his activity center seat. He walks over to the couch and sits down placing Noah on his lap. "I think we should convince your mom to take you to the park, what do you say?"

"The park huh?" Olivia said.

"What do you say mom?" Nick said with a smile.

"Okay, okay we can go, but only because Noah wants to go so bad," Olivia said. She got up from the couch and started to gather Noah's things.

"Some good team work there, Noah," Nick said. He then took Noah's hand and lightly hit his hand for a high five. Once Olivia had everything all set, Nick got up from the couch and put Noah in the stroller.

"You don't have work or anything do you?" Olivia asked him.

"Today is my day off, unless they call me in," Nick said. "I'm all Noah's for the day. If that's okay?"

"Noah said he wanted it, so it's okay," Olivia said with a smile.

"So then lets go," Nick said smiling back at her. The three headed out.

* * *

**_AN_:** Some happiness and longing looks. Next chapter changes a bit, but had to get Nick back into SVU. You will also meet the new girl Madison, don't worry she will not be a threat. Read, Review and come back next time when Nick's back at SVU and things aren't all good as they should be.


	4. Where You Belong

**Chapter Four - "Where You Belong"**

Nick walked into the squad room, he looked around and it almost felt like he had been away for years. He knew if he told anyone this, they could think he was crazy, after all he's been in the squad room many times over the last six months. Not to mention it had only been six months since he was last in the squad room as a SVU Detective. Some how it still felt like it had been longer then it was. He figured he'd show up early so he was ready for go and get off to a good start. As he walked over to his desk, or rather his old desk, he thought about how he had missed this place and the people we got to work with everyday. He knew he was a fool for letting it all go, but he was going to fix things. He was going to make things right again, he didn't know how but he was. He was just getting settled back into his desk when he heard footsteps, he looked over to see Amanda walking in. She stopped when she saw Nick.

"You're back?" Amanda said. Nick could see she was shocked and possibly didn't know he would be back.

"Yeah, today is my first day," Nick said.

"That's good," Amanda said. She continued on her way and to her desk.

"If things are going to be an issue we need to figure them out," Nick said.

"No things won't be an issue," Amanda snapped at him. "It's not like you told me you were moving to California to be with Maria and Zara and now you're back at SVU?"

"I had every intention of going," Nick said. He walked over to Amanda's desk. "Olivia asked me to stay. She said if she could get me back to SVU that I should stay. This is only temporary."

"Are you kidding me right now?" Amanda said. "We need help and you come back only to be temporary?"

"It's complicated," Nick said.

"I'm sure it's complicated," Amanda snapped.

"I told you Amanda, I never wanted to hurt you," Nick said to her. "You're my friend and co-worker and if anything happened to jeopardize that. I have lost so much already I don't want to risk losing something as important as this."

"I'm sure that is what you want to tell yourself," Amanda said. "You tell yourself whatever you need to hear to get you through the night."

"It's not about that Amanda," Nick said. "There is a lot of things going on and dragging the people I care down about isn't one of them. That is what I was doing, I see that now. I've just been able to understand my mistakes and the choices I've made. I know I've made some bad choices, but I'm trying to make it right."

"You can't here," Amanda said. "I really cared about you Nick, I really care about you. You just act like I was nothing important."

"That wasn't me then," Nick said. "That was the me that was going in a downward spiral, because I believed so many things were my fault. I did tell you that this wasn't going to be anything and that I was going to get my family back. I didn't hide that from you Amanda."

"So why don't you do that? Go get your family you want back so badly," Amanda said.

"Amanda," Nick said.

"Don't," Amanda said before walking away. Nick watched as she walked away, before heading back to his desk.

"I drank you under the table," Nick heard a female voice said.

"That is not possible," Nick heard Fin responds. He turned to see Fin and the new detective walking into the squad room.

"Actually that is true," Nick said. Fin and the female turned to see Nick. "It's impossible to drink Fin under the table."

"Nick welcome back," Fin said. He walked over to Nick, the two shook hands before hugging each other. "Nick this is Detective Madison Burnett."

"It's nice to meet you," Nick said. He reached out his hand and the two shook hands.

"So you're Detective Amaro," Madison said. "I've heard a lot about you. Was wondering if I'd get to work with you."

"I'm just sorry when ever I came around, I didn't really introduce myself or talk," Nick said.

"Look I get it, you think I took your job and wanted to avoid me at all costs," Madison said.

"That's not true," Nick said.

"Yes it is," Fin said.

"Don't listen to him," Nick said. "I would explain to you, but kind of boring."

"I'd gladly listen," Madison said. "Maybe over drinks."

"I don't think that would be appropriate," Nick said. "It's sweet of you to offer."

"What's one drink? We are going to be partners after all," Madison said.

"I think we should remain professional," Nick said.

"Professional? Who wants that," Madison said. She walked closer to Nick. "Come on, what you got to lose?"

"A lot," Nick said.

"Madison step away from Nick right now," They heard Olivia's voice said. They all turned to see Olivia standing there with Noah in his arms.

"He put me up to it," Madison said pointing at Fin. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have done it."

"Fin put you up to this?" Nick said. "I'm going to get you for this."

"That is for you saying you were moving to California," Fin said.

"Can we get to work," Olivia said as she walked to her office.

"It's good to have you back, look forward to working with you," Madison said before walking to her desk.

"You really wouldn't have, would you?" Nick asked.

"I'm actually married, so no," Madison said.

"Enjoy it," Nick said as he gave her a small smile. He walked past Fin's desk and into Olivia's office, closing the door behind him. He walked in just as Olivia got Noah all settled. "Things okay?"

"Things got a little messed up this morning," Olivia said. "Noah's been fussy and I expected to have things together for your first day."

"I got that welcome from Fin," Nick said with a laugh.

"I'm sorry about that, I should have warned you about that," Olivia said.

"It's fine, I actually missed that," Nick said.

"You should get back to work," Olivia said.

"I'm here Olivia if you need me," Nick said. "Remember that one." Nick then walked out the office and back to his desk.

"We got a case, anyone seen Amanda?" Fin asked.

"I think she's in the crib," Nick said. "Why don't you take Madison?"

"Come on," Fin said. Him and Madison headed out of the squad room. Nick thought about walking into the crib to see Amanda, but he figured things would just end up worse then before. He just started rearranging his desk, trying to get used to being back. Moments later Amanda walked back into the squad room and to her desk.

"Fin and Madison caught a case," Nick said.

"You didn't want to go," Amanda said coldly. "Play hero."

"Look," Nick said as he got up from his desk. He walked over to Amanda. "You can hate me all you want, but we need to be professional."

"Maybe we don't need to be working together anymore," Amanda said to him.

"Amanda we don't need to do this," Nick said to her. He knew this wasn't going to be easy, but he never thought it go to this place.

"I think we do," Amanda said. "This isn't going to work, it never was. "

"Amanda I care about you," Nick said.

"I can't do this Nick," Amanda said. "I can't be here if you're here. I really cared about Nick, I mean really cared."

"I know," Nick said. "I never meant for things to happen. I was an ass for leading them go on as long as they did."

"Ass is too nice." Amanda said.

"You're right," Nick said. "I was never trying to hurt you Amanda. I knew this would never be anything and I really thought you did too. If I could go back and do thing differently I would."

"Well you can't," Amanda snapped. "I guess we just are what we are now."

"Amanda," Nick said.

"Just don't Nick. Just don't," Amanda said before walking away. As Nick watched her walk away he couldn't help but feel he was going to be her downfall this time around. He wasn't going to let that happen. She was his friend and he's already lost to much he wasn't going to lose her too.

* * *

_**AN**_: This might seem a little Nick/Amanda heavy and sorry for that one. Was trying to do something for the next chapter, as well as how Amanda's not in this good place.  
This is a Bensaro fan fiction, just trying to go with the show a bit. We will get back to the Bensaro goodness.


	5. Demons

**Chapter Five - "Demons"**

Olivia stood in her kitchen walking Nick with Noah. She couldn't help but feel he was pulling away again. She didn't want to see him brought back to that place again, not after all he's done to turn it around. She couldn't help but wonder if this all had to do with what happened at the precinct the other day. She walked over to Nick with two cups of coffee in her hand. She placed Nick's on the coffee table and sat down on the couch.

"Is everything okay Nick?" Olivia asked him. She knew this could go two different ways, but she was hoping he'd open up to her.

"Yeah," Nick said. Olivia couldn't help but be sad he didn't answer honestly.

"Nick you'd been over here just about every night for the last three months, something's not okay," Olivia said to him. "Does this have to do with Amanda?"

"Amanda, what would she have to do with anything?" Nick said. Olivia knew that was a yes.

"Nick I have seen how far you come, don't let whatever this is pull you back," Olivia said.

"It's not that, I swear," Nick said. Nick moved away from Noah and closer to Olivia. "I made the wrong choices and people I care about are suffering because of them."

"What is going on?" Olivia asked. "I'm asking as your friend, not your boss."

"After the shooting, well really it started before the shooting, that just made everything spiral," Nick started to say. "I was in a bad place, you saw that and tried to help. I blamed myself for not having your back, than Maria wanted to end things completely and after a shot that boy I needed someone to lean on. You just became the boss and I was still feeling I had let you down, so I ended up turning to Amanda. She was having issues of her own, only I didn't realize how bad until that case," Nick explained to her. "We were there for each other. At one point there was a moment things could have changed, but I knew if we went any farther than I could lose my family all together. All I wanted was to get my life back. I had told Amanda that, but I let things go on to far. I'm worried about her; I don't want to see her turn back to gambling. She had been doing so well."

"You could have come to me," Olivia said. "Just because I'm you're boss, doesn't mean I'm not your friend either."

"I know that now," Nick said.

"I have noticed a change in Amanda these past couple of months," Olivia said. "In fact she came to me saying we needed you back. Something's been off after that."

"It could have been because I told her I was moving to California," Nick said. "She wasn't too happy about that one either."

"I know from past experience that if something is off with Amanda, there is a reason," Olivia said. Olivia placed her hand on Nicks and lightly squeezed it. "We will figure this out."

"I didn't mean to bring down the mood," Nick said.

"You're worried about a friend, don't be sorry," Olivia said. "But I have to ask if Maria wasn't a factor would you have slept with Amanda?"

"Honest?" Nick said. "I don't know. I know it wouldn't have been for the right reasons though. I would have just been using her to escape my own feelings. Amanda deserves better than that."

"I was just wondering," Olivia said. "I couldn't have broken you up if you two were a thing. I'd just worried about your states of mind."

"It's a fair question," Nick said. There was a small moment of silence between them. "I should go. I actually need to be home to catch a call from Zara."

"Go, you wouldn't want to miss that," Olivia said. Nick got from his seat and headed towards the door. He stopped and turned back to Olivia.

"Thank you," Nick said.

"For what?" Olivia said.

"For giving me the second chance I needed," Nick said. "And for having my back."

"Always," Olivia said with a smile. She then watched as Nick walked of the apartment.

* * *

Nick walked into his apartment, he had moved after he had gotten word about being transferred back to SVU. He had plans to sell the house and move to California, only he didn't move and was sticking around. He had found a great place with a spare room, so when Zara was over or Gill was over, they had a place to stay. He knew it also be easier to move out of this place, then if he had stayed at the house. While he was back at SVU, he still haven't completely decided if he was staying or going. He threw his keys on the kitchen counter and walked over to the couch. He sat down and on the coffee table was his computer. He had left it there, because it was easier then having to get it each time he got to talk to Zara. He opened it up, brought up Skype and called Maria's number. Only it was Maria and no Zara who answered.

"I thought this was tomorrow night," Maria who was on the video screen said. "Zara is at a sleep over tonight. I'm sorry Nick."

"It is tomorrow night," Nick said. "Just hoping I could see her."

"Is everything okay Nick?" Maria asked. "Has something happened?"

"No, everything is okay," Nick, said to her. "It's been hard getting back into the routine. I just needed to hear all about Zara and her days. Her smile and laugh just makes days like this better."

"The offer still stand Nick," Maria said. "You can leave all that behind and we can start over."

"No we can't Maria," Nick said. "You know that and now I do too. I spent to much time trying to make us work, I forgot about what makes me work."

"You've been talking with your shrink too much," Maria said.

"I love you Maria and I will always love you," Nick said to her. "We just need to stop fighting this. I was wrong, I should never have pushed so hard for us to be a family again. You deserve to find someone who will love you unconditionally and who trust you. I'm sorry Maria for everything."

"I never hated you Nick, you have to know that," Maria said through her tears. "I love you too and always will. You deserve someone amazing too. You're a great guy Nick and a good person. Sometimes misguided, but also with the best of intentions."

"I won't fight you for custody, I just ask to be able to spend time with her. I'm sure we can work something out," Nick said.

"Yeah, I think we can," Maria said. "You ever need someone to talk to Nick, I am here."

"I know," Nick said. "If you ever need help or in trouble, call me and I will be there."

"You'll be my first call," Maria said. "Goodbye Nick."

"Goodbye Maria," Nick said. The call ended and Nick closed the laptop. He hadn't planed on thing going that way, but he knew in his heart there is where he wanted to be. Letting go of Maria and Zara was the hardest thing he'd ever have to do, but he knew it was the right thing to do. He also knew that this meant he finally chose the job, three months ago he was willing to walk away from for good. No he just had to make sure he didn't screw it up again.

* * *

_**AN**_: So I couldn't remember if I still said he lived at his place. So used what I had and made it work. When he told Olivia and Amanda he was in the process of selling his house. Then Liv told him she got him back to SVU, so he sold the house and got an apartment. Since I said he was going to be with Maria and Zara, I figured I should close that chapter. Wanted them to end on a happier note. Nick told Olivia what happened, because I wanted him to tell her. It's a new and different Nick. Now that those are put to rest, we can get on with the Bensaro.


	6. Whiskey

**Chapter Six - "Whiskey"**

Nick woke up to a banging on his door. He looked over at the clock and saw it was 2am in the morning. He was hoping it wasn't his neighbor who locked herself again. It had happened more time then the thought it would, and being the cop and guy he was he offered to help her out if she ever needed it. He just didn't think it would be every night. Nick got out and bed and put some pants on and a t-shirt before heading to the door. He turned on the light as he walked to his front hall. He looked out the peephole once he got to the door to see Amanda on the other side. He quickly opened the door thinking she was in trouble and that was why she was there.

"What happened?" Nick asked a little worried for her. He thought maybe she got herself in over her head again with the bookies.

"You happened," a very drunk Amanda said.

"It's 2 in the morning Amanda," Nick said, realizing she was not in a good place.

"So?" Amanda said. Nick ushered Amanda into his apartment. One his hand touched her arm; she pulled it away and stumbled into his living room.

"You can sleep this out on my couch. We can talk in the morning," Nick said to her.

"I wanna talk now," Amanda said slurring her words.

"I'm not going to talk to you when you're like this," Nick said.

"Why not?" Amanda said. "I have a few things to say to you and they need to be said."

"They can be said in the morning," Nick said to her. "We both have to work in the morning."

"Not anymore," Amanda said. "I'm done."

"Amanda," Nick said. He knew talking to her now would be kind of pointless since there was a good chance she won't remember anything in the morning. "

"You think you can just treat people that they are crap?" Amanda said, starting to get a bit emotional. "We're people. We have feelings. You made me care for you and now you are just gonna take it all away?"

"I'm not trying to do that," Nick said. "I screwed up I know that. I'm trying to make this right."

"Then go and be with that family you love so much," Amanda said. "Because this isn't going to work. It's only going to get messy."

"Maria and I are over," Nick said to her. "I made it official tonight. We both knew this is the way it had to be."

"This is the way it had to be? You're just covering your own ass, because that is what you are an ass," Amanda said. "You string people along and when they stop fitting into the mold you want them to be or have their own thoughts and options you throw them away like yesterdays trash."

"That is not true," Nick said to her.

"Maria's in California, Gil where is he and his mother? You threw out the best thing that ever happened to you, because a perp wasn't sent to jail? You made me feel like a fool," Amanda yelled at him. "You need everything to be perfect in your life, wrapped in a little bow."

"That isn't me," Nick said. "I have made some mistakes in the past, I won't deny that, but I am trying to make a change. I don't want to get dragged back into that hollowness that was my past. I am sorry you got hurt, I never meant for you to. Amanda I made it clear from the beginning I was going to get my family back. That is why nothing happened."

"Well you're families gone now," Amanda said. She moved closer to Nick. "You still going to tell me it's because of them."

"Amanda you're my friend and I care about you, but this isn't you," Nick said to her. "I don't know who you are right now."

"I'm the person I made myself," Amanda said. Nick watched as she went from being angry with him to ready to cry in seconds. He could see she was realizing the mistakes she's made in his life too. "I have destroyed so much, oh god. What have I done?"

"It's okay" Nick said. He pulled her into his arms and let her cry.

* * *

**_AN_**: Sorry it's short, i tried to make it longer. Also if Amanda is OC in this chapter I'm sorry. This chapter goes into the next one, which kind of helps moves along this part of the story and bring it back to Bensaro. In fact a couple of Bensaro chapters coming. Won't tell you when, but will tell you something big will be happening. For one of the chapters I need your help. In the chapter there is a part, Olivia has a secret and it involves Lewis. I have my ideas, but would love to hear what you think the secret should be. (Please note it must be something you think no one knew.) So read, review and let me know. Hopefully more to come really sooner.


	7. Three Weeks and I'm Still Sober

**Chapter Seven - "Three Weeks and I'm Still Sober"**

Olivia was very pleased with how the morning had worked out. She had gotten Noah all settled with the sitter and managed to get ready and to work on time. Something she felt had changed in the last month, but then again Noah had gotten sick. She was glad things were getting back to normal, or how ever normal they were at this time. Olivia had gotten her cup of coffee and headed into her office. She wasn't in her office for more then five minutes when her phone rang. She put her stuff down, sat down and picked up her phone.

"Benson," Olivia said into the phone.

"Olivia it's Nick," Nick said on the other end. "I am really sorry, but I'm going to be late, if I come in at all."

"Is everything okay?" Olivia asked. She knew he wouldn't just pull something like this. Not when his job was on the line.

"No," Nick answered. "I just didn't want you to think I was throwing this chance you gave me away. I don't want to screw this up not again."

"Nick, what is going on? Is Zara okay?" Olivia said, a bit worried.

"Zara's fine," Nick answered her. "It's Amanda. She showed up at my apartment drunk last night. She's not in a good place right now and I'm not about to leave her alone."

"I get it, I understand," Olivia said. She had told herself that she would talk to Amanda today, when she knew she should have done it last night. "If anyone asks I'll cover. Don't worry about a thing here, just help Amanda out."

"Thanks Liv," Nick said to her. "I'll make it up to you and the squad I swear."

"Focus on her for right now," Olivia said. "Keep me updated."

"Will do," Nick said. Olivia hung up the phone and slowly started going back into what she was doing. She knew this wasn't supposed to be Nick that was helping Amanda, but she was glad it was someone she could trust. She didn't know how she let things get so out of control. A knock on the door pulled Olivia out of her thoughts. She turned to see Fin standing there.

"I was hoping we could talk," Fin said to her.

* * *

"Where are we going?" Amanda asked as Nick leading her down a hallway.

"It will all make sense soon," Nick said to her. They continued walking until they got to a door. The door just read 306B. Nick opened it and inside was a group of people all sitting in a circle.

"Nick I wasn't expecting you until tomorrow," a woman said, who looked like she was in charge.

"I was hoping maybe we could make an exception for today," Nick said to the woman. "I actually have a guest if that is okay."

"Of course, we welcome everyone," the woman said. Nick the lead Amanda to two empty chairs.

"John was just finishing up," the woman said.

"I was just saying how just got a promotion. That I really finally feel as if my life is back on track again," John said.

"That is great John. You will see that if you continue you will go farther and father," she said to him. "Now I know that is was Mia's turn, but if you don't mind can we here why Nick is here?"

"I do not mind at all," Mia said.

"Thank you Mia," the woman said.

"As you all know things have not been easy for me this past year. My wife and I officially separated, I had shot that young boy and I blamed myself for not being able to protect my partner," Nick said. "And it just lead to my breaking point. For the longest time I didn't want to admit that I needed to talk to someone. I didn't feel I needed to talk to someone. That I had my life together and I was going to be just fine," Nick continued to explain to them. "While it might have been the NYPD that gave me the push, but I soon realized I was only trying to convince myself that I was fine when I told that to everyone else. I was more or less letting my life crumble and wasn't willing to accept help. Now I'm back at my job, I've realized that my marriage is over and I'm okay with that. I am working harder each day to prove to everyone and myself that I want to do better and be better."

"How is being back at work?" the woman asked.

"It hasn't been easy, but because I'm back with my co-workers and friends I know it's going to be a bit easier to transition," Nick said.

"Why don't we take a five minute break," the woman said. Everyone got up and walked over to the table with food and coffee. Nick turned and looked at Amanda who was wiping tears away.

"Why did you bring me here Nick? To hear your sad story and you think it will make me realize all my mistakes?" Amanda said.

"No," Nick said. "I brought you because I wanted you to know you're not alone. That there are people willing to listen to you and help you. If you bottle everything inside it's only going to end up hurting you."

"I go to the AA meets, what more to you want?" Amanda said to him.

"It's not what I want," Nick said. "Yes I want you to do more, but Amanda you need to be willing to get help too. It has to be for you and no one else."

"I don't…" Amanda started to say.

"Just stay," Nick said. "You've been through a lot too. I think this can help you and you need to be willing to let it."

"I'll try," Amanda said. Nick gave Amanda a reassuring smile. Everyone walked back over to their seats.

"Would Nick's friend like to speak?" the woman asked.

"I guess I'll start off by saying I'm Amanda," Amanda said.

* * *

"Are sure that's what you want?" Olivia asked fin. She couldn't believe that this was happening.

"I talked with a buddy of mine who's now in charge of Narcotics and he's looking for someone to help him out," Fin said. "He asked."

"You know I'd hate to lose you, but if this is what you want," Olivia said. "I can put in the paper work for your transfer as soon as you want."

"You know I love you Liv and I'll always been here for you, I just think things need to change," Fin said.

"A lot of that going on around here," Olivia said.

"Not everything's gonna change Liv," Fin said.

"Just the things that have to," Olivia said. "Don't be a stranger okay." Fin gave her a smile before heading out of the office.

* * *

**AN**: next part. There was going to be more to Nick's speech, but I left it at that. What Fin's leaving, say it ain't so Fin? Also still looking for ideas for that secret of Olivia's. Hoping to get t those chapters by the 4th of July. Give you all a little holiday treat, with some Bensaro Goodness. So keep those idea's coming in. (If you don't want to post your idea in the review, you can always message me.) Read, review and send me those ideas.


	8. This Is Me You're Talking To

**Chapter Eight - "This Is Me You're Talking To"**

Olivia had just finished putting Noah down and was ready for a glass of wine. This was not the day she thought it would be, and was hoping it wasn't always going to be like this. As she was walking into the kitchen she heard a knock on her door. Olivia sighed and headed to the door, not surprised to see Nick on the other side.

"I didn't catch you at a bad time did I?" Nick asked.

"Not at all," Olivia said. "I just put Noah down and was going to get a glass of wine, would you like one?"

"Do you have a beer?" Nick asked.

"I think there are still some left over from your last visit," Olivia said. She walked away from the door and back into the kitchen. As she was grabbing herself a glass of wine and a bear for Nick, Nicked in and over to the couch. Olivia walked over to the couch, handed Nick his glass before sitting down with him.

"Thank," Nick said.

"How did things go?" Olivia said.

"They were rocky at first, but I think I managed to convince her this is the right thing to do," Nick said. "I think it's really going to help her."

"You let her know we aren't abandoning her," Olivia said.

"She knows," Nick said. "She knows we care about her and just want to help her."

"You did a good thing Nick," Olivia said to him. "She's lucky you have you have a friend."

"Don't know about that," Nick said. "If we haven't gotten yourself into that situation to begin with, maybe this wouldn't have happened."

"Or it could have been worse," Olivia said. "She could have trusted the wrong person, or fallen right back into gambling. Nick, while you may have seen it as a bad thing, because of you she's turning her life around."

"I hope she can," Nick said. He took a sip of his beer.

"You didn't miss anything to interesting today," Olivia said. She hated talking shop with him when they were like this, but figured it be a way to break that silence they had just created.

"Right the case," Nick said. "No leads?"

"Mattie thinks she's got something, but it didn't pan out," Olivia said. "I told them to call it a night and we'll continue in the morning. That way we'll have three detectives instead of two."

"I should've come in," Nick said.

"You had something important to do, I understand that," Olivia said to him.

"I still shouldn't have not come in to work. Liv, you put your job on the line for me and I should've made a better effort," Nick said.

"Look everything is okay," Olivia said to him. "1PP isn't going to fire you for one day they don't even know about. You're allowed sick days and personal days. If they have issues with that, then they'll have an issue with me."

"I couldn't ask you to do that," Nick said.

"You're not asking," Olivia said. "Plus you have Maria and Zara in California, Gil, Cynthia and your mother here in New York and you never know when one of them might need you."

"Well Maria won't be needing me," Nick said.

"What?" Olivia asked.

"My marriage is over," Nick said. "I lied to you when I told you I had a Skype call with Zara. I called Maria and we officially ended things. Even if I moved there it wouldn't be the same. Maria and I could pretend, but in the end we would be hurting Zara. That is the last thing I want. I love Maria, I do, but I want to see her happy and she hasn't been happy in a long time."

"I'm sorry Nick," Olivia said.

"I'm not," Nick said. "It was the right thing to do. Maria deserves to find someone who makes her happy."

"You deserve that too," Olivia said. Olivia reached out and took Nick's hand. "Remember that one."

"I think someone needs to take their own advice," Nick said.

"Right now Noah makes me happy," Olivia said. "I don't want to bring someone into his life, if I'm not really sure about them."

"I completely understand," Nick said to her. "You want to make sure they're going to be there for you and Noah. That they aren't going to take off the minute they find out about him or at all. You want to find someone who can love him as much as they love you."

"Yeah," Olivia said. She couldn't help but wondering if she was starting to find that already.

"You'll find him," Nick said to her, giving her a smile.

"Sometimes I think I did," Olivia said smiling back at Nick.

"Have you talked to Brian?" Nick asked.

"Here and there, but he's undercover a lot more these days," Olivia said. "He and I just wanted different things. I wanted someone I can grow old with, someone who wants to have kids. He didn't want all that."

"He's a fool," Nick said. "He should have seen what an amazing person you are. Plus you're a wonderful mother."

"I actually think I'm screwing that one up," Olivia said. She got up from her seat and headed into the kitchen. Nick followed behind her.

"That's not possible," Nick said. "Everyone makes mistakes when it comes to parenting. I know I've made my far share and I'm still making mistakes. No one's perfect."

"With Calvin it seemed easier," Olivia said.

"Sometime it does, but it's isn't about doing everything right. It's about doing everything right for your child," Nick said to her. "Right now that is what you're doing."

"I think I might be lost without you right now," Olivia said.

"You would have been fine. You're good with kids, you just need to believe in yourself," Nick said.

"Thank you think for everything," Olivia said.

"Always," Nick said with a smile. Olivia moved to grab the bottle of wine, just a Nick was walking over to the frig to grab another beer. The two ended up bumping into each other.

"Sorry" Nick and Olivia said to each other at the same time. Before Olivia knew what had happened she and Nick were kissing.

* * *

**AN**: And so begins the Bensaro. I pictured this chapter a bit different, but when I started the next one it fit better. So decided to keep it as is. You still have time if you have an idea for the secret Olivia is keeping, to send that to me. Other wise will be starting writing that part soon. Hoping to get the next chapter up by this weekend, give you some more Bensaro goodness. We'll see what happens.


	9. Begin Again

**Chapter Nine - "Begin Again"**

Nick wrapped his arms around Olivia and deepened the kiss. He didn't know how it gotten to this point, but he wasn't sorry it had. With everything that's been happening with him and Olivia, he could understand how it was a possibility.

"Wait," Olivia said pushing away from Nick.

"You're right I'm sorry," Nick said. He slowly started to back away, but Olivia's hand stopped him. "This shouldn't…"

"No, It's not that," Olivia said. "It's just… You're… This is the first time I've really been intimate with someone since Lewis shot himself."

"Oh," Nick said surprised.

"I wasn't trying to say this… I just," Olivia tried to say.

"No I get it," Nick said. "If you want me to go, I'll go. I don't want to push things and don't want to push you."

"I don't want you to go," Olivia said to him. "I want you to stay right here. With me." Olivia pulled Nick back into a kiss and Nick kissed her back. Then two slowly started to move back towards Olivia's bedroom. Once they got into the bedroom, Olivia pulled back again.

"Are you sure?" Nick asked. Olivia took his hand and the two sat on the edge of her bed.

"I'm sure," Olivia said to him. "I'm just… I little nervous I guess."

"You don't have to be," Nick said to her. He squeezed her hand gently.

"I know," Olivia said. "I feel silly actually." Olivia let out a soft laugh. "It's been… I've enjoyed having you around all these months. Watching you find your way back, I feel like I'm getting to know a different you. I didn't think I'd truly find someone out there for me, I thought Brian was it. I knew you were planning on leaving, even though I told you I'd stop you, I told myself not to get attached. But the truth is I've gotten used to you being around and I think Noah as too."

"I've kind of gotten attached to Noah myself," Nick said. "You're an amazing mother Olivia and I'm really lucky I've gotten to see it first hand. If you don't want things to change, just say so."

"Why you do keep on insisting on leaving?" Olivia asked him.

"Because I respect you to much to do anything to jeopardize what we have," Nick said to her.

"I don't want you to go," Olivia said to him. "Call me selfish, but when you were helping Amanda out, or just left I wanted you to stay. It's easy to talk to you. I don't remember the last time I've been able to really talk to someone like this."

"I feel the same," Nick said. "Maria used to be able to talk to each other, somewhere a long the way we stopped talking to each other."

"Brian and I would talk, but I just…" Olivia started to say. She got up from the back and walked away from Nick, putting her back to him. "I was afraid of who he might see if I told him everything."

"He'd be a fool if he didn't see what an amazing person you are," Nick said. He got up from the bed and moved towards Olivia.

"It's not what I meant, but thank you," Olivia said as she turned to face Nick again.

"What do you mean?" Nick asked her.

"He would question me about what happened and I just kept giving him the same answer, you shouldn't have to having those images in your head," Olivia said to him. "I think I was protecting myself, more than him. The truth is there is still a part from the first time he grabbed me I didn't remember. I thought maybe it was my mind playing tricks on me, because of all the drugs and alcohol, but in that wear house I realized it was true."

"He's gone, he can't hurt you anymore," Nick said to her.

"I know," Olivia said. "I am working on letting him go. I'm in the best place I can be in now, but I needed you to know."

"Why me?" Nick said.

"Because I can talk to you," Olivia said. "I know you won't see me, or treat me any different. I trust you and I don't want this to be something that holds me back anymore. While Brian and I wanted two completely different things, I still think this was something that held us back."

"You're one of the strongest people I know," Nick said. Nick reached out and took Olivia's hand in his. "Whatever it is I know it wouldn't change the way I see you, but I do know it will only make you stronger."

"Are you sure about that one?" Olivia asked. Nick didn't understand how she could ask him that, than he remembered what she had said just moment ago.

"I'm sure," Nick said. There was a pause for a moment before Nick spoke again. "Olivia…"

"It was just before I found out Brian was working a double shift and realized no one would notice I was gone, at least not yet," Olivia said to him. "He had woken me up and put me back in the chair. He kneeled down next to me and placed his hand that was holding the gun on my inner thigh and moved it up. I pulled away as best I could, but he respond 'Come on don't be shy, we're past that. You've been so sweet when you were knocked out.' I kept telling myself it was all in my head. I wanted to believe Lewis was all talk."

"Olivia you don't…" Nick said. He wasn't saying it because he didn't want to hear it, he was glad she was comfortable with him enough to tell him. He had even said it to her months after it all happened that he was here if she ever wanted to talk about anything. He was more saying it because he understood what she was saying and she didn't have to continue if it was too painful for her.

"I know, but I need to. I told you I felt like this was holding me back and if I don't say it, then it's always going to be there," Olivia said to him. "That he's always going to be there. I've made this wonderful life and he doesn't get to ruin it anymore." Nick brought his hand up to Olivia's face and brushed away the tears from her eye with his thumb. "He raped me, Nick. I just never wanted to admit it to myself. I wanted to believe it was just him trying to mess with my head."

"Are you positive it wasn't just a trick to mess with your head?" Nick asked. He knew better, but when dealing with Lewis it was a whole new ball game.

"Yeah," Olivia said to him. "When he had me cuffed and tied to the table and he was behind me, it all just felt to familiar. Not because he had held me for those four days, but it was a different familiarity. As I stood there still, I realized why." Olivia wiped away the tears that hadn't fallen yet. "But I'm done. I'm ready to be with someone and truly be with them. I'm not saying all this because that's what I think this is. Not by a long shot. This, you and I this is so much more then that."

"Are you sure?" Nick asked her.

"More sure then I've ever been," Olivia said. She stepped closer to Nick. "You make me feel safe and I haven't felt that in a long time."

"You'll always be safe with me," Nick said to her as he pulls her into a hug. Olivia pulls back and brings her lips to his. "Olivia" said as he pulled back.

"I want this," Olivia said to him.

"I told you I don't want to push you into something you don't want or aren't ready for," Nick said to her. He was cursing himself inside, because her kiss and touch and driving him crazy.

"You aren't" Olivia said to him. "You never were, I promise you that. This is what I want. I want to be with you here and now." That was all Nick needed to hear, he pulled Olivia back into a kiss.

He brought his hand down to the bottom of her shirt and placed them under it. He pulled her a bit closer and then moved his hands up taking the shirt with him. They broke away from the kiss long another for him pull her shirt off over to head and discard it. Olivia pushed shirt over his shoulders and on to the ground. She then took a hold of his t-shirt and pulled it over his head before throwing it to the ground. Nick and Olivia moved closer to the bed before falling on to it. Nick worked the belt to Olivia's pants before getting it off and tossed aside. Olivia went to do the same to Nick, but he stopped her. He went back to unbuttoning and unzipping her pants, before pushing them down and off her legs. He then started to lovingly kiss every part of her body, before making his way up and kissing her passionately. Olivia worked Nick's jeans getting them undone and pushing them along with his boxer down his legs. Nick kicked them off so they landed on the floor.

He reached behind Olivia and undid her bra, taking it off. Olivia couldn't wait anymore; she started to take her own underwear off, when Nick took a hold of her hand. Not to stop her, but to help her take them off. Once they were off, Nick brought his hand back up softly running up Olivia's side. She let of a moan and a giggle. Nick slowly entered her, letting her adjust to him. Olivia let out a soft moan in response. He wanted this to be special and not just something they did. He wanted to show her how much he really cared. He started moving slowly at a gentle pace, not waiting to rush Olivia too much. He kissed down her cheek to her neck and up to just below her ear, which he found out drover her crazy. As his paced started to speed up a bit, Olivia started to move with him. He was just drinking in every moment of this with Olivia.

"Nick," Olivia moaned as she dug her nails into Nick's back. He continued to drive her wild, by kissing her in that one spot. She moved with him thrust for thrust urging him to pick up his pace. He obliged, he started to pick up his pace. Olivia dug her nails in a bit harder trying to hold back, because she knew she wouldn't be able to hold out any longer. He whispered in her ear, speaking in Spanish. Her walls tighten around him and her orgasm over came her. That was all it took for him, he thrusted a few more times before he came as well. The two collapsed on to each other. Once they both came down, Nick rolled over to Olivia's side and wrapped his arms around her. He didn't want this night to end, but felt it was perfect falling asleep in each others arms. He knew when he woke up there is where he wanted to stay. Nick kissed her head and intertwined his hands with hers. The two smiled at each other, both being contend being here, and in this moment.

* * *

**AN**: Here is it the Bensaro Chapter. Took me longer to write this one because I wanted this one to really work. I wanted to be something very Bensaro worthy and I hope I was able to do that. I am a little nervous about it so please be kind. My goal was to get it up by the holiday and its the last day of the holiday, so here you go. (_also i have a new sign fic I'm working on and would love to get someone option on it. Message me in interested._)


	10. Before The Storm

**Chapter Ten - "Before The Storm"**

Olivia rolled over slowly opening her eyes to find Nick was no longer on the other side of the bed. She wondered if Nick had left before she woke, maybe rethinking what had happened between them. She shook the idea out of her head and got out of bed. She put on a pair on pajama pants and a t-shirt before walking out of her bedroom. Much to her surprise when she exited her room she saw Nick laying on the floor across from Noah who was sitting and the two were just playing. She couldn't help but smile as she watched them. This is how she wanted her life at one time and now this was her life. She knew she wouldn't change it for the world.

"This is your captain speaking we have the clear sky's and… wait what is that," Nick said as he flew the stuffed plane. Noah was just kind of waving around his stuffed bear. "Oh no we're going down," Nick said before making the plane fall to the floor. Noah giggled. Olivia couldn't help but laugh. Nick sat up and looked over to see Olivia was now awake. "Good morning beautiful."

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to interrupt the bearzilla," Olivia said.

"It's fine," Nick said. He stood up, picking Noah up with him. He then placed Noah in his playpen before joining Olivia. "I heard Noah wake up and didn't want to disturb you so I got up."

"Thank you," Olivia said. "You have a way with him you know."

"He's a great kid, he's got an even better mother," Nick said as he moved closer to Olivia.

"We have to work today," Olivia said to him.

"But you have to wait for the sitter, where as I don't," Nick said to her. He then wrapped his arms around her and started kissing her neck.

"You are making me not want to stay in," Olivia said as she wrapped her arms around him and moved her head to give Nick better access.

"So…Lets…stay…in," Nick said in between kisses.

"I'm in charge of the squad now, I can't just not show up," Olivia said to him. Nick stopped and pulled away.

"You're right," Nick said. "I guess I should go home and get changed then."

"I'm not kicking you out," Olivia said.

"I still do need to go home and get changed," Nick said.

"You have time," Olivia said pulling Nick closer.

"Why Olivia are you trying to seduce me?" Nick question. "Because I know I tried and failed."

"I'm just saying you don't have to leave so soon," Olivia said to him. She then leaned in and kissed him. Only for a few moments later Olivia's phone to ring. Olivia and Nick pull back. Olivia walks up and picked up her phone from the side table. "Benson."

"I'm going to go," Nick said softly. Nick was about to leave when Olivia told him to wait.

"What Fin?….What hospital?... I'll be right there," Olivia said before hanging up the phone. She turned to Nick. "Madison's in the hospital. You need to go, I'll wait for the sitter."

"I'll keep you posted," Nick said. He grabbed the rest of his stuff and headed towards the door. Olivia made sure Noah was all set before heading into her room.

* * *

Nick walked over to Fin. It had been a long and annoying journey to find out what floor and room Madison was in but he finally found out. He rushed to the floor and over to Fin.

"Olivia called me, she had to wait for the sitter," Nick said. "Said she wouldn't be that long." Just after he said that Olivia walked over to them joining them.

"What happened?" Olivia asked.

"I got a call from Madison last night, she said she had a lead in the case and was going to check it out. I told her I'd met her and not to go on without me," Fin explained. "When I got there she was on the ground beaten up pretty bad, some guys were running away and another one was going near her. I yelled police and he fled. I just made sure to get her here as fast as I could."

"So this is related to the case?" Nick asked.

"I don't know. What I do know is she was just beaten up, she wasn't raped," Fin said.

"Maybe he couldn't finish the job because you came," Nick said.

"Before we start pointing fingers lets wait to see what Madison as to say," Olivia said. "She'll be able to clear this all up."

"That's him?" Fin said, seeing the guy he told them about that was going after Madison before he scared him off. Fin was ready to go after him.

"Finn wait," Olivia said.

"If he's responsible, then I want to take him out," Fin said.

"You wait with Madison, Nick and I will handle this," Olivia said. Nick and Olivia walked over to the man.

"Did he bring a woman who was hurt pretty badly in tonight?" The man asked.

"He did. He says she was really hurt," Olivia said.

"She's going to be okay right?" The man asked.

"We believe so yes," Olivia said.

"Sir we would like to ask you some questions," Nick said.

"Ask," The man said.

"We prefer if we asked you down at the station," Olivia said.

"You can ask me the questions right here, I'm not leaving," The man said.

"We don't want this to be any more difficult then it has to be. So why don't you come down to the station with us," Olivia said.

"I told you I'm not leaving," The Man said. He then walked right past him and towards the room Finn was now guarding.

"Sir," Olivia said. Nick and Olivia following behind them. They all stopped outside of Madison's room.

"We don't want to arrest you," Olivia said.

"Arrest me, but I'm not leaving," The man said.

"They hell you aren't," Fin snapped. He was about to escort the man out himself.

"You people don't get it, I'm not leaving," the man said.

"Sir you're under arrest," Nick said as he started to put the cuffs on the man. He tried to push them man to walk away but he just went back to that spot. "Sir you need to come with me."

"No! I'm not leaving my wife," the man snapped. They all looked at him shocked.

"Wife?" Olivia question.

"Madison is my wife," The Man said. "I'm Detective Max Deacon." He said in a soft voice.

"Cop? Madison said her husband was a lawyer?" Fin said.

"I tell people my wife is a nurse," Max said. "It's for protection. I'm undercover and I don't want anyone to know who she is and she doesn't anyone to know who I am. We do it for each others safety. I shouldn't even be here, but I saw her in that alley and I needed to make sure she was okay."

"What were you doing there?" Olivia asked.

"I was meeting the crew I'm undercover in," Max said. "They didn't show, but I heard the noise and I saw the guys running away so I went to see what happened. Only to find out it was Madison. I just didn't get to see if she was okay and I needed to know."

"Right now she's doing good," Fin said still not really believing him.

"Right now there is nothing you can do for her. Down at the station you might be able to help," Olivia said.

"Just keep the hand cuffs," Max said.

"Deal," Olivia said.

"You have the right to remain silent," Nick started to stay as he took Max away.

"You stay with Madison. I'll call you with an update, you do the same," Olivia said.

"Got it," Fin said. Olivia headed out as well.

* * *

**AN**: Sorry I couldn't leave it happy and blissful for two long. While it's nothing to big for our couple, it's still something that goes into the next couple of chapters. Also we get to see Madison's husband Max. Wanted to bring him in, in an interesting kind of way. (Now moving to the spoiler WL posted last night. All I can say is eeeeeeeeee! He's going undercover for Olivia and Noah. That he's willing to do it for them, even though she said it might be a way back in. It's moments like this that make me love them all over again. I can't wait to September. To see those scenes play out.)


End file.
